How to Write an Obituary: Common Mistakes to Avoid

Writing an obituary is an important yet delicate task that commemorates the life of a loved one. A well-crafted obituary serves as a tribute to their legacy, sharing their life’s story, achievements, and impact. However, due to the emotional nature of the task, it’s easy to make mistakes that might lead to a loss of essential details, clarity, or even respectfulness. This guide will explain how to write an obituary while avoiding common pitfalls, ensuring it remains both meaningful and dignified.

Why Writing an Obituary Matters

An obituary is more than just a notice of someone’s passing; it is an expression of love and remembrance. It provides friends, family, and the larger community with an opportunity to reflect on the deceased’s life, share memories, and express condolences. A well-written obituary acknowledges the loved one’s journey, highlights their character, and honors their relationships with others.

Common Mistakes to Avoid When Writing an Obituary

Creating an obituary can feel overwhelming, and mistakes may happen during this process. Here are the common errors to watch for when learning how to write an obituary, along with tips on how to avoid them.

1. Lack of Essential Information

An obituary should contain certain essential details, such as the deceased’s name, age, and date of passing. Failing to include these makes the obituary incomplete and can cause confusion for readers. Important information to cover includes:

• Full Name: Include any nicknames they were commonly known by.
• Age and Date of Death: Providing age and date can help close friends and family recognize and confirm who has passed away.
• Place of Residence: Mention where they lived, as it adds context to the obituary.
• Immediate Family Members: List close family members, including spouses, children, and siblings.

Tip: Begin by creating a checklist of these key facts before writing. This ensures you don’t overlook any crucial information.

2. Inconsistent Tone

Choosing an appropriate tone is essential, as it sets the mood for the entire obituary. A common mistake is using an inconsistent tone that may confuse readers or not honor the loved one’s personality.

• Formal Tone: This is often preferred for more traditional families who wish to keep the focus on accomplishments and family details.
• Warm and Personal Tone: Reflects the personality of the deceased, making it feel more intimate.
• Humorous Tone: For someone known for their sense of humor, a lighthearted tone might feel appropriate.

Tip: Reflect on the deceased’s personality and your audience, then decide on a tone that respects their memory and feels genuine.

 3. Overloading with Personal Details

While it’s important to share what made your loved one unique, overloading with too many details can detract from the main purpose of the obituary. Avoid including:

• Unnecessary daily habits or minute details
• Lengthy descriptions of events that don’t define their life’s essence
• Extraneous names that might be unfamiliar to most readers

Tip: Select memories, hobbies, or accomplishments that most represent their spirit. Focus on what made them unique, keeping the details meaningful rather than excessive.

 4. Not Celebrating the Person’s Life Enough

Obituaries often focus solely on dates and formal achievements, without truly celebrating the spirit of the deceased. This can make the obituary feel impersonal. Share what your loved one enjoyed, their hobbies, and their passions.

Examples:

• Instead of just noting that they loved gardening, mention, “She spent countless hours in her garden, sharing her roses with friends and family.”
• Highlight memorable moments, like trips or traditions, that were significant in their lives.

Tip: Consider their hobbies, values, and passions. These bring their personality to life and offer readers a sense of who they were.

5. Omitting Cause of Death (Optional)

Including the cause of death is a personal choice and should be handled with sensitivity. Some families prefer transparency, while others feel that keeping it private is more respectful. Not mentioning it can lead to speculation, but revealing it may also be uncomfortable.

Tip: If you choose to include it, keep it simple, respectful, and direct. If it feels too personal, consider a more general statement such as, “She passed away peacefully surrounded by family.”

6. Ignoring Proofreading and Grammar

Simple errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation can detract from the dignity of the obituary. Misplaced names or dates, along with typos, are common mistakes that can easily be avoided.

Tip: Proofread multiple times and, if possible, have someone else review it as well. An extra pair of eyes can catch errors you might overlook.

 7. Overly Formal or Impersonal Language

An overly formal tone may feel detached and distant, making it difficult for readers to connect with the message. While structure and clarity are important, try to avoid making the obituary feel like a list of facts.

Tip: Use language that feels natural and heartfelt. Including quotes, special phrases, or favorite sayings of your loved one can bring warmth to the obituary.

 8. Not Acknowledging Special Relationships

Family members aren’t the only people affected by a loss; friends, mentors, and colleagues may also wish to see their relationship with the deceased acknowledged. Omitting these relationships may unintentionally make certain people feel overlooked.

Tip: After listing immediate family, briefly mention other important relationships, such as lifelong friends or significant colleagues.

 9. Not Including Service Details or Donation Requests

Often, families forget to include information about the funeral or memorial service. These details are essential for readers who wish to pay their respects. Additionally, a growing trend is to suggest charitable donations in place of flowers, but it is easy to overlook this option.

Tip: Always include the date, time, and location of the service, as well as any special requests. If a memorial service will occur at a later date, state that arrangements are forthcoming.

10. Forgetting to Mention a Legacy or Lasting Impact

A powerful aspect of any obituary is the legacy the person leaves behind. Neglecting to acknowledge this can make the obituary feel incomplete. What did the deceased teach those around them? Did they inspire others through community work or unique achievements?

Examples:

• Mention if they volunteered for a cause, or if they were known for a particular passion that impacted others.
• Highlight if they mentored, taught, or provided for others in a way that left a positive mark.

Tip: Conclude with a heartfelt statement that acknowledges their legacy. This leaves readers with a lasting, meaningful impression of your loved one.

Tips on How to Write an Obituary Thoughtfully and Respectfully

Knowing how to write an obituary thoughtfully can ensure that your tribute is both meaningful and respectful. Here are additional tips:

• Consult Family Members: Speak with family and friends to gather memories, as they may recall important details or anecdotes that enhance the obituary.
• Be Concise but Complete: While avoiding unnecessary details, ensure you cover the essence of your loved one’s life.
• Take Breaks: Writing an obituary can be emotionally draining, so don’t hesitate to take breaks to gather your thoughts and emotions.
• Stay True to Their Personality: Above all, write in a way that feels true to who they were, capturing their spirit rather than following a strict template.

Sample Obituary Template

Here’s a template you can use as a starting point. Customize it to reflect your loved one’s life.

[Full Name], aged [Age], passed away on [Date of Death] in [Location]. Born on [Date of Birth] in [Place of Birth], [He/She/They] was known for [mention a unique trait or accomplishment]. [He/She/They] leaves behind [List Immediate Family]. [First Name] was [share brief background on career, interests, or character traits]. A memorial service will be held on [Date, Time, Location]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [Charity or Cause]. We will remember [Name] for [highlight an impactful legacy or lasting impression].

Conclusion

Writing an obituary is both a challenging and meaningful task. By understanding how to write an obituary and avoiding common mistakes, you can create a tribute that truly honors your loved one’s life, legacy, and the positive impact they left on others. When crafted thoughtfully, an obituary becomes a piece of history that celebrates a person’s journey and provides solace to family and friends. Let your words serve as a timeless tribute, honoring the essence of a remarkable life.